I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your
chain letters over the past years.
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>Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
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Because of your concern...
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I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
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I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
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I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat
feces and .
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I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
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I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be ed
with a needle infected with AIDS.
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I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
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I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
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I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.
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I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.
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I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
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I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogen's they contain will
turn me .
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I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.
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I no longer date the opposite because they will take my kidneys and leave
me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
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Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
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I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick who is about to
die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
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I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.
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Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will
now return the favor.
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If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds,
a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon
and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will
occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's
neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.